I never imagined that my journey of becoming a more conscious and whole person could become enriched by my experience of living with AS. In fact I rarely experience any pain these days and when I do, I welcome it as another opportunity for my inner practice of feeling my energy, its temporary stuckness, practising to sense into it and gently shift and liberate its flow.
Instead of reacting to and fighting against symptoms and pain which increases suffering and builds more pressure I am learning what happens when instead I become more curious and accepting of the energy that wants to move through me but gets blocked at any particular moment in time, causing congestion and pain.
What I noticed is that instead of wanting to get rid of it, I become more available for what is present, wants to be in flow but cant and probably is outside of my rational understanding. Accepting that something that is not separated from me is trying to get my attention and benefits from being included and processed with awareness and love, opens up new channels that connect me to more of myself and life itself.
I noticed in myself and in people I work with, how feelings of pain, fear, anger, shame and guilt create an inner separation and resistance. To keep resisting and fighting requires a lot of energy and inner resources which can be depleting and does nothing to address the underlying issues.
On the other hand, feelings of appreciation, acceptance, relatedness, curiosity and compassion for whatever is happening, creates an inner opening and leads to new connections and new pathways. It enables us humans also to feel part of something much larger than our small limited selves. Such a positive inner attitude creates the conditions where healing can naturally happen.
In the context of my work with people suffering from emotional, mental and physical health problems this awareness also helps me to remain grounded in myself, aligned with how other people are feeling but not getting taken over by their energies. It allows me to let their energy move through me, remain sensitive and compassionate but not become absorbed or overwhelmed by it.
When the symptom isn’t the enemy I need to fight and resist but the messenger, I ask myself what is it that I can learn as part of the healing process? Instead of shooting the messenger, how can I take the pain or trauma and turn it into something positive?
This also informs my larger questions: How can we transmute lower energy into higher energy? What is this other side that is present and gives me more and better options to act?